Onanists Edge Crusaders

Ahmad Bradshaw went for 96 yards and 2 touchdowns, while Mychal Kendricks does pushups and the ref watches something else
Published: Sep 16, 2014

For the second straight week the Mansfield Onanists found themselves in an extremely tight game.  This time they came out on top, 47-46.  Their running backs, Bernard and Bradshaw, netted 33 points.  For the Crusaders, Aaron Rodgers scored 25 points but it wasn't enough.  The opportunity for a tie was there.  Rodgers, Jennings and Ball all fell one yard shy of scoring an additional point.

In the stunning victory of the week, the Woodland Rangers defeated the Sacks On the Beach by three, 31-28.  Stunning because the Rangers started 5 players that were either ruled Out or on IR, including two-thirds of their defense.  The win is only the second time the Rangers have beaten the Sacks in their 9 meetings.

In a Burgandy Division match-up the Norsemen played Sean Taylor's Ashes and were dominated 73-16.  Tim has had six different team names and has beaten Byron the first time they met under each name.  This time with Jamaal Charles getting injured and the child abuser not available, the Norsemen ended with the lowest score of the point total of the week.  Jimmy Graham amounted to over a third of his total points.

The Fighting Squirrels and the Pretend I'm Not Here, met in an interesting game that featured their QBs facing off on Monday Night.  Cutler and the Bears might have won that game, but it wasn't enough for the Pretend as the Squirrels win out, 23-16.  Under Brian's new leadership the Squirrels advance to 2-0 for the first time since 2000, when Warren still ran the team.

In the other two games, the Gallic Warriors put up a solid performance to send the Whiskey Tango advance to 2-0 and send Warren down to 0-2.  The MeggaMen faced another tough loss this time to the Joe Gibbs Good Head.  The MeggaMen fall to 0-2.

Next week there is a match-up of undefeated teams as the Mansfield Onanists take on the Fighting Squirrels, the Onanists have won the last three meetings.  The MeggaMen go looking for their first win of the season against the Crusaders.  Sean Taylor's Ashes meet Pretend I'm Not Here, while the Woodland Rangers play the Gallic Warriors.  The Norsemen try to recover against the Sacks, whom they have lost to in their last three meetings.  Finally, the Joe Gibbs Good Head plays the Whiskey Tango.  Their last meeting was a tie, no one wants that again.

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